R.I.P

18th of june 2009
i arrived at Jengka for the sukan remaja kontigen tournament.
a 6 day event.

20th of june 2009
i received a text message from mother,it read
"Jesus called your small tortoise to heaven today"
tortoise are hardy creatures,they don't just die like that.
maybe it was just sleeping.

21st of june 2009
i received another message concerning my little tortoise,it read
"your tortoise is confirm dead,its shell is broken"
a sudden sense of worry went over me,how could this be?
still i refuse to believe the words written on that message.

22nd of june 2009
yet another message was delivered to me about my poor tortoise,it read
"it's not moving,do you want me to bury it"
anger rose over me.i replied
"don't do anything until i get back"
it can't be dead.
i was still in denial.

23rd of june 2009
the second i reached home,i ran up to my room.
there it laid,it was definitely dead.
i felt scared and devastated.
i wanted to cry,but couldn't.
if i did'nt see it with my own eyes,i would not have believed it.
i confirmed it's death and buried it.

may you rest in peace,my little tortoise.

stop giving excuses

what exactly is "our fate"?
with love,work and life itself,
most of us believe that our path has been lay out for us from the very beginning.
that our future is written in the stars or something.
it is not wrong to think this way,but i think it has a limit.
because a lot of people use this theory as an excuse to their uselessness.
unsuccessful people,losers and cheaters all together.
these people have this mentality that it is their destiny that they are what they are today.
because it is much easier to just blame it on the gods for our failures,right?

it is much easier to put the fault on lady luck for bumping into your girlfriend's best friend when you were making out with another girl in the hall way of some club.
it is loads easier to blame genetics for failing every subject you took for SPM,because you were just not born smart enough.
it is a hundred times easier to put the blame on the injustice of humans when you lose your final match in a basketball tournament because of the referee.

i say it's all bullshit.
grow up and take responsibility of your failures.
if you don't want to get caught cheating,then don't cheat.because prevention is better than cure.
if you want to pass your tests,just study harder. because you have a brain just like everybody else,so use it.
if you want to win,train more. rise up to the challenge,because if you are a great player even the chairmen of the tournament can't make you lose.

not anymore by Letoya Luckett

This is dedicated to..
Mmm, well if your feeling like I'm feeling,
then this is dedicated to you

Well, I've been the super girlfriend
Let you think that nothing bother me
Like when you go out with your friends
And people bring me back the stories
The stories bout them other girls
Bout this one, and that one, and those three
So when I ask a simple question
"Where were you last night?"
You wanna yell and scream and try to flip it on me

No..
Is anybody else just fed up?
If you heard it all before
Then right where you are just get up

Somebody say, I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Cause I've dried my eyes and I realized
I deserve somebody that'll treat me right
Somebody say, I don't want it anymore
I don't want it anymore
Because I know my word so you can keep
That drama, I don't want it anymore
not anymore

no more settling for less
I'm looking for that kind of man
That's gonna give his best, cause I'm giving my best
A man that wants to cherish this
And knows exactly how to woo me
Not some silly little boy
Who wants my goodies cause he took me to the movies

This is dedicated to(better leave in a day)
This, this, this is dedicated to(wipe the tears from my face)
Mmm, well if you feeling like I'm feeling,
then this is dedicated to you (if you feel me say)

a year ago

tell me..
do you remember the wonderful times we had?
because it was more than a year ago when we hold hands and laughed together.

can you recall the feeling of holding me in your arms?
for that feeling has been absent for more than a year ago.

have you forgotten the last time our lips touched?
for more than a year ago that meeting of our lips happened.

do you remember the tears i shed for you?
for a year later the tears have dried,but the memory of you leaving me is still here

tell me..
do you remember that i loved you..
a year ago..

hurt

what gives you the right to scold me when you yourself did the same thing if not worse?
the only thing that i did differently was that i called you for help.
i could'nt take matters in my own hands for i laked experience.
i did not have a clue what to do.
so i ask for help from somebody that'll know how to handle the situation,from you.
yes,i inconvenienced you. i apologies to you now.
but does that mean you can treat me like shit by screaming at me?
i understand,you don't owe me a helping hand.
then it is only fair that i don't owe you the right to scold me nor advise me either.
especially when you are no saint yourself.
for nobody owes anybody anything.
not even family.

伤

2pm

我从家里出发去bunny姐的家载她

然后就去海边一起吃麦当当

吃得来 谈得来 都大概3.45pm了

载了bunny姐回

我就打算去我家附近的setali

打包午餐给哥哥和妈妈

到了那里 看到对面有parking

就很兴奋 没看车

就将吃进对面马路

对面马路的waja来不及停了

我的车又已经吃进马路的一半了

就将撞下去了

双方的大灯都爆了

他的 左边

我的 右边

他 一个二十多岁的男人

下车 已经是打着电话给同党了

他看看自己的车撞到几严重

我不知道要怎么办

手振 脚振 拿起电话打给哥哥

他 "要不要报警 保险公司赔钱"

我 "我不懂 我哥来着"

越来越多三八人开始围着他

问他 然后又问我

"你们打算怎样settle"

我 "在等我哥来"

越来越多callmen来到现场了

整班男人 我一个女子

他们就开始讲

"你现在有两个选择罢了 报警还是赔钱咯"

我 "我哥要到了"

哥终于到了

哥下车跟他们谈

我就在他车隔壁等他

谈完了 上车 去mudguard问价钱

哥 "是你的错 赔定了"

修他的车 rm750

修我的车 rm850++

妈妈要我陪一半

我破残了 伤

520

i love you day

i dedicate this day to..
my best friends..
my family..
and my Q ee..

because i love you guys..
muakkqqxx

hari keusahawan

every year our school will have a 'hari kantin' where each class has to set up a stall and sell some kind of food. but there is some changes this year. 'hari kantin' become 'hari keusahawan' and instead of all the classes setting up stalls,it has changed each cocuriculum units set up a stall.



me,jun wei,bunny jie,edrene,foong yee and swee ching were in charge of the basketball club's stall. we sold wedges,popiah and fried ghost. we were only allowed to start selling at 10.10am,but somehow the students managed to get out of class early and were already queing up by 9 something.



the que infront of our stall was already building up. everithing was sold finish by 11am. that day's minus our modal,our total profit was only rm130. not much,but i guess its still ok.

nobody owes you anything

nobody must carter to your need,

nobody must give in to your whims and fancies,

nobody must see eye to eye with you,

nobody must led you a helping hand,

nobody must give a damn about your feelings,

nobody must make life easier for you,

nobody must be your hero,

nobody must share their half with you,

nobody must led you a shoulder to cry on,

because nobody owes you that privilege.

not even family.

my poker face

the growling of the bus engine and the soft music eminting from the only one earphone on my right ear grew steadily clearer. my senses started to return to its normal state as i drew out of dreamland. the bus was still dark and quiet,but sunlight was already creeping through the gaps of the curtains. the great ball of fire that brings life to mankind rose slowly from the horizen. as all creation of God reponded to the stimulus of the sunlight and awaken from sweet slumber,my sleepy schoolmates did the same too.

serounded by so many friends,but instead of feeling joyful a sense of lingering sadness was in me throughout the trip. the reason for this i could not find. i tried to rid myself from it,but failure was the end result. i felt i was a burden that my fellow friends had to carry,i put on a fake smile to lighten this burden. did they notice the difference?

i put on my poker face just like the so many people i know. decive others so that my true feelings cant be seen.

我们是傻瓜

其实他/她做的坏事

我们都懂

没有什么不同

眼光闪烁

暧昧流动

闭上眼当作听说

其实别人的招数

我们都懂

没有什么不同

故作软弱

撒娇害羞

只是有一点憋扭

傻瓜也许单纯得多

爱得没那么做作

爱上了

我不保留

傻瓜

我们都一样

被爱情伤了

又伤

相信这个他/她

不一样

却又再一次受伤

傻瓜

我们都一样

受了伤

也不投降

相信付出会

有代价

代价

只是一句

傻瓜

b'day 2009

i turned 17 the second the clock struck 12am on thursday. my handphone starts beeping which wakes me up from sweet slumber. what a wonderful beginning to my b'day with b'day wishes from my friendies.

right before the break of dawn,i awaken again but this time the culprit was my alarm. reluctant to get out of bed,i pressed on the snooze button as usual(about 4 times). finally,after lazing on my bed for 20 minutes,i got up and made my way to the bathroom. the sky was still pitch black and silent like in the dead of night. i did my usual morning routine and went downstairs to have my breakfast before setting off to school. as i passed through the living room,i noticed that my mother was already siting on the sofa with her eyes closed,waiting for me. i entered the kitchen,and there they were,two half boiled eggs ready to be eaten.

the journey to 5C class seemed shortened that morning,maybe it was because i was subconsciously walking faster than usual for my mind was busy imaging what they had planed for my b'day. i told myself that i was not going to get my hopes up this year and expect to much from them. but the thing is they let slip that they already planed something for me,i just don't know what is it yet. all was normal as i reached the classroom,accept for the white umbrella on my desk. i later learned that it was my b'day present.

we had to leave the school early and head to SMKTP to play our last match in the MSSD basketball tournament. on the way there,the van stoped in front of A1 mini market and our captain(bunny jie) got down and bought muffins and a lollipop. she stuck the lollipop on one of the muffins and asked the whole van to sing a birthday song to me(aiyo..made me so pai seh). i was caught off guard and did'nt know how to react,so i just smiled.

we knew that at the end of that match the yellow score sheet would belong to us which means we won't be able to make it to the semifinals,that was why we knew that was dead end for the 2009 SMKTA team.

the blazing sun made sweat steam down our faces as we were waiting for the tug-of-war teams to gather their teamates. i was one of the Dang Anum team members. i was standing around minding my own bussnis when with no sign at all,Pn Yong and a group of my friends(lead by bunny jie) started singing a birthday song to me(aiyo..pai seh second time already). they laughed their heads off at my shocked face.

a little birdy told me that they planed a suprise party for me that night,so that ruined the suprise. but no harm done,it did'nt make it less special for i knew that u all had put alot of effort in it. i arrived home that night with cream all over my face,the smelled like firecrackers and a stomach full of barbequed chicken wings. i was exhausted,but happier than ever.

i doudted

"Our doubts are traitors

And makes us lose the good we oft might win

By fearing to attempt."

by william shakespeare

i made a stupid mistake yesterday when i decided not to go for the 400m finals.

i tought to myself "i only got sencond in the qualifying round,means there's no way i'll get the gold medal. plus,the girls wearing state jerseys looks very intimidating." i doubted that i could even get third place,so i did'nt even show up for the finals.

in the afternoon,i got a message from cheryl saying that my timing for the qualifying round was faster than the girl that got third place. so if i had gone for the finals and put more efford,maybe i could have even got sencond place. what a shame right?

well what's done is done,so no point regreting over it now. i'll try my best in the 4x400m,hopefully i'll get a chance to redeem myself.

V'day 2009

no flowers,no gifts,no valentine but no disapointment either.
when you don't treat something special it does not seem special.

in order for something to be special,you have to think that it is special.

i treated v'day like any other day.

perhaps this was why i did'nt feel unhappy at the absence of romance.

on the contrary,it was a special day for me,but for a different reason.

sometimes something may only seem special to one person.

and the presence of this special thing can enlighten that one person.

i spent the whole day with you.

perhaps this was why that day felt special to me.

轨迹 - 周杰伦

怎么隐藏 我的悲伤
失去妳的地方
妳的发香 散的匆忙
我已经跟不上
闭上眼睛 还能看见
你离去的痕迹
在月光下 一直找寻
那想念的身影
如果说分手 是苦痛的起点
那在终点之前
我愿意再爱一遍
想要对妳说的 不敢说的爱
会不会有人可以明白
我会发着呆 然后忘记你
接着紧紧闭上眼
想着那一天 会有人代替
让我不再想念你
我会发着呆 然后微微笑
接着紧紧闭上眼
又想那一年 妳温柔的脸
在我忘记之前
心里那眼泪 模糊了视线
你已经看不见

每次听这首歌 都会想起你